No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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