i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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