He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
