Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
