see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
