the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
time to smoke my breakfast
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
