I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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