apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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