i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My room smells like vodka and shame
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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