FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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