i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
