her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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