Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
