Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
