you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
