I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
