I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
