insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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