There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
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