Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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