turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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