Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
