at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
