No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Houston, we have a squirter
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
