Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
