Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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