hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
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Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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