Apparently you make a good broom.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
