Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
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I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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