we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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