I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes