I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
this is an emotional support booty call
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.