No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
