Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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