My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
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Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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