I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
