i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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