Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
