I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize