I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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