He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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