So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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