i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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