why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize