i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
