the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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