Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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