I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
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My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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