Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
