Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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