I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
