WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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