a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
