I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
