The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
