im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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