I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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