So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
