Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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