Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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