so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
