I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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