It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
