It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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