she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
