Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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