3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
