Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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