Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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