who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
