that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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