just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
