in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
