I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
