Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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