Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
