nut hugger
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I die, sorry about rent.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
