i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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