I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
that's an acceptable place to lick
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
