he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
